I finally watched The Nun II, but unfortunately it turned out to be very disappointing. Warning: SPOILERS.
Sister Irene is now quietly living in a convent, but when the Vatican asks her to investigate a series of grisly murders that they suspect were the work of Valak, she travels to France with rebellious Sister Debra. Maurice, aka Frenchie, is already there, working at a girls' boarding school, where spooky things have begun to happen. Turns out Valak is looking for something, something that could give him great power...
The movie starts pretty well, with Valak burning a priest alive inside his own church. Though the altar boy didn't seem very impressed. Really, that kid was way too relaxed for someone who saw a priest self-combust when Irene talked to him, and I kept expecting him to turn out to be possessed or something. The Nun II is unable to sustain the opening's level of awesome. One problem is that the story is split in two - Sisters Irene and Debra looking for clues, and Maurice at the school with Kate and Sophie, a teacher and her daughter that he's befriended. None of these new characters make much of an impression. Kate and Sophie make Maurice's story sadder, as the audience knows he's Valak's vessel, so there's a feeling of anticipation as we wait for everything to go to hell. Debra is introduced as a smoking, reluctant nun, who doesn't care about rules, and whose faith is waning. Not only are crisis of faith a seriously tired storyline for members of the clergy, but we also had that with Irene in the previous movie. Maybe that's why it's never mentioned again. The attempts at making Debra look like less of a traditional nun (like dinosaur-enthusiast Irene) go a little too far. Surely there's a middle ground between Blind Faith and Doesn't Even Want to Be There? While she's given a whole backstory involving racist violence in the American South, the character doesn't do more than being someone for Irene to talk to. During the final confrontation, she helps the girls, but frankly that's something Kate or a nameless tertiary character could've done. I'm not saying that I wanted her to have more screentime, and in fact think she's rather superfluous, but the filmmakers chose to put her in the movie so it's odd that they barely did anything with the character. Even noticing the crest was something Irene could’ve done as she was the one tasked with investigating the deaths. Debra, Kate, and Sophie are the more important secondary characters, but the boarding school gives the audience the usual assortment of bullies and a strict headmistress. The bullies are your typical mean girls who clearly must be utter morons as their target is Sophie, who, as I wrote earlier, is the teacher's daughter. I'm sure that will do wonders for their grades.
Irene's part of the story could’ve produced some new information about Valak, but all the audience gets is a mention of him being a former angel. This is especially frustrating because Irene and Debra go to the Catholic Archives where you'd think there'd be all kinds of stuff on the subject (maybe not, I've never been there, but it sounds like it should). Instead of expanding on the demon nun's backstory, the movie introduces a relic, the eyes of Saint Lucy. This is what Valak is looking for and if he gets it, he'll become extremely powerful. Exactly how this would work is never explained. Sure, the relic has power, but holy relics tend to have very bad effects on demons, so how would Valak be able to use it? With the relic comes the story of Saint Lucy's family, who split up to protect it, and the revelation that Irene is one of her descendants during the final confrontation. Yes, she has visions, but this still came out of nowhere. Also, how does this fit with her desperate, nearly fatal fight with Valak in the first movie? Irene didn't seem that special there, and I find it weird that the demon didn't sense anything off about her. Despite Irene's secret heritage, the fact that he still hasn't found the relic, and that she's the only person who knows of the connection to Maurice, Valak has no problem taunting her, though he does it in a very boring way. That scene from the trailer with the magazines' pages forming the spooky nun silhouette went on for way too long. Really, Irene just stands there as a demonic wind turns several pages until it gets to the right one. All this leads to a jump scare that ends with the young nun losing consciousness. Valak nearly drowned her in the first movie, so why does he let her live here? Sadly, this is a question I'll be asking about several characters when everyone converges at the school and Valak stops hiding for good.
Of course, Irene didn't know where Maurice was at first, but it still took too long for the returning characters to meet again, and when they finally do, there's only time for Maurice to learn Valak is attached to him before the demonic fireworks begin. Then it's time for relic hunting while Valak threatens Irene, Kate, and Sophie, and at the same time conjures a goatish devil to chase after the students and Debra. There's also room for a cameo by the dead headmistress' roach-covered ghost. With all these characters running around at the mercy of a ruthless demon that has already wiped out a whole abbey, you'd expect nothing short of a massacre - you'd be wrong. The ghost just scares the girls, the devil only manages to non-fatally stab one of them with a horn, and Valak somehow doesn't kill Debra and Sophie when he has them and Irene trapped in the wine cellar. Sure, Irene is now immune to fire, but how the hell did Debra not die when she was being throttled with chains? And this after Valak absorbed the relic's power through Maurice, which still makes no sense because possessed people also react negatively to holy objects. Irene blessing the wine with Debra thus turning it into the blood of Christ was a cool trick, but of course, the audience already knows Valak comes back in The Conjuring 2 and Maurice's nice ending will be undone. I usually complain about lack of continuity and retcons, but at this point I wouldn't mind pretending the exorcism in The Conjuring never happened. Speaking of which, poor Valak's embarrassing vanquishing by Lorraine Warren makes even less sense now, as does his plan in The Conjuring 2. Why would he want some random child's soul? Why didn't he just barbecue Lorraine? And why the hell did he even answer some puny psychic's demand for his name? Maybe all this will be explained in a third, even more disappointing sequel, but I'm not sure I'll bother watching. Oh, and I really didn't care for the Warrens' end credits scene that's probably setting up the next The Conjuring movie.
VERDICT
The Nun II starts well, but slowly devolves into a mess without any of the ridiculous, spooky fun of the first movie. It lacks focus and doesn't bother trying to make sense. How can a demon even take power from a holy relic without being destroyed? Irene's family tree surprise felt random and she doesn't even have time to react to what should be a very important discovery for a religious person. Likewise, Maurice's realization that he's been taking Valak with him all over Europe is dealt with too quickly. None of the new characters makes an impression, and don't even have the decency of dying in spectacular ways. In fact, Valak's body count is disappointingly low, and I wouldn't be surprised if there is a third sequel, we end up getting a tween horror bore like Annabelle Comes Home.
By Danforth