Film Review: The Conjuring 2 (2016)

And here's the last, for now, of my The Conjuring reviews: The Conjuring 2 (2016). This time, Ed and Lorraine Warren go spread their Christian love to London, where a certain demonic nun has been causing trouble. Needless to say, there will be SPOILERS.

The movie opens with what Lorraine believes is the worst case she and Ed have ever worked on - the Amytiville haunting. I totally didn't remember this and was convinced Valak had turned up in the Perron family's cellar in the first one, which means I was very confused when he didn't. Instead, he turned up here, during a séance in which Lorraine sees the night of the murders through Ronald DeFeo's eyes. Naturally, she also hears a voice telling him to do it because apparently this franchise just loves excusing real-life murderers by portraying them as victims of demonic possession (see also The Devil Made Me Do It). Then, to make matters even ickier (seriously, what were the people behind this thinking?) the ghosts of the victims lead Lorraine to the basement where she sees our favourite demon nun. Wait, what? I thought Valak had "touched" Lorraine during Frenchie's exorcism. Did he come with her or was he hanging out at the basement of the Amytiville house? This is a question the movie will never bother to answer, but Valak will continue to mess with the Warrens. In between demon nun sightings, the movie shows Ed and Lorraine at a talk show where their findings in the Amytiville case are brought into question, which pisses off Ed. Look, I'm used to sceptics being the bad guys in this type of movie, but since Amytiville and the Warrens were real, it's a little harder to be against them, especially as this is all taking place very close to the infamous Satanic Panic years. In fact, I'm finding it very hard to not roll my eyes at the fictional Warrens on this second viewing. I used to think that they were the only good thing about these movies, but now, I'm finding them more and more annoying. So, after scaring Lorraine at Amytiville, Valak appeared in Ed's dreams. Unlike his wife, he didn't freak out and decided to paint him in all his demon nun glory. Even after Lorraine explains how she also saw the same entity, not only does he not burn the damn thing, but also hangs it on the wall. I'm not a demonologist, but that seems kinda dumb. Ed's painting will figure in a spooky dream sequence in which Valak scares Lorraine some more because clearly he has nothing better to do. She demands to know his name, which is a very important thing as it gives one power over the demon. Valak doesn't tell her (or doesn't appear to), and makes Lorraine cut the pages of the book she was reading. She has a vision of Ed being impaled by something and it turns out that that was the same thing she saw during Frenchie's exorcism. Because of this, she asks Ed that they stop working on cases, and limit themselves to appearing on talk shows and giving lectures. It makes sense that she'd be worried, but since they're obviously going to be involved in another case very soon, this was a pretty pointless development.

While the Warrens are dealing with demons, sceptics, and premonitions, a new haunting is about to start across the Atlantic, in England. The movie really wants the audience to know we're in London now, and in addition to showing a montage of identifiable places, we also get The Clash's London Calling playing over it, just in case anyone thinks we could be anywhere else. The Conjuring 2's London is a den of iniquity, where 11 year old girls smoke and talk about French kissing boys. Oh, and they also play with Ouija boards, which is likely a big no-no in this fictional world but oddly is never addressed. I'm very sad there was no scene of Ed explaining how dangerous those things can be. It's after Janet Hodgson uses the board with her elder sister, Margaret, that the haunting begins. You get the usual moving objects, spooky noises, disembodied voices, and Janet seemingly teleporting. Since the Hodgson family - mother Peggy, sisters Margaret and Janet, and brothers Johnny and Billy - is having money issues, buying a new house is not an option. However, unlike the Perron family, Peggy's friend and neighbour, also named Peggy, doesn't mind letting them stay at her place. The family's situation draws the attention of the media and other paranormal investigators, believer Maurice Grosse and sceptic Anita Gregory. It's during a TV interview that the ghost speaks through Janet and introduces himself as Bill Wilkins, an old man who died in that house. He also growls and insults Peggy. Later, we'll find out that everything she said was correct, and there really was an old man named Bill who died in that house. The haunting turns out to have more tricks up its supernatural sleeve, and follows the Hodgsons to other Peggy's house to spook them with the Crooked Man. The nursery rhyme was being used by Janet and Billy to help him correct his stuttering with the aide of a zoetrope that shows a little figure walking. Now, it starts spinning on its own and the little figure walks until it disappears... Its target? Billy. This evil Crooked Man appears as a tall, lanky, cartoonish figure with sharp teeth, and also comes with a new, more murderous version of the nursery rhyme. Frankly, the Crooked Man looked creepier in the zoetrope. This one looks too fake to be really scary. At around this time, the Church has finally decided to get involved and even though the haunting is taking place in Europe, it has decided to ask the Warrens to go check it out. The way this is presented makes it seem as if the US Church is in charge, which is just weird. Did they forget that the head of the entire Catholic Church is the Pope and he's in the Vatican, in Italy? Why would they send a couple of Americans to London to investigate? The Warrens are shown the recordings of Bill introducing himself, but if the original sounded like Janet was just making a voice, here it does sound like a real old man. At first, Lorraine doesn't want to go and she explains to Ed that the vision of his death that she recently had was the same she had during Frenchie's exorcism. He thinks God sent her the visions so she can stop it from happening and she agrees to go, but only if he promises to leave as soon as things become dangerous. Much like with the scene of Lorraine asking Ed to stop working cases, this conversation is a waste of time because of course the Warrens are going to London, and of course they won't leave when things inevitably turn dangerous.

Once in London, the Warrens get to work not only trying to ascertain if the haunting is real or a hoax, but also bonding with the scared and stressed Hodgsons, more specifically Peggy and Janet, who are staying at the house while the others remain at other Peggy's. Ed also fixes some plumbing because unlike those other investigators who just want to see a ghost, they care. Well, Maurice cares, too, but this is the Ed and Lorraine show, so... The couple's saccharine ways reach lethal levels when Ed plays the guitar and sings Elvis' I Can't Help Falling in Love to the music-deprived Hodgsons as Lorraine watches. How did I not notice how OTT they were the first time? The Warrens are no dummies, though, and they test Janet because apparently neither Maurice nor Anita had thought of doing that. The test is just odd. Ed asks her to keep water in her mouth so that when Bill talks again, they'll know she's not engaging in a little ventriloquism. Except, Bill was clearly speaking through Janet, so how is he supposed to do that when her mouth is full of water? Things get a little suspicious when Janet asks everyone to turn their backs before Bill speaks, but the investigation carries on. It's ironic that while this movie has a lot more supernatural activity than the fist one, it's also the one where everyone is a lot more sceptic and try to find alternate explanations for everything. Still, the Warrens believe the Hodgsons... until one of Anita's cameras catches Janet faking some ghost activity. So, my problem with this is that it ended with Janet twisted like a pretzel inside, I don't know, the fuse box? Whatever it was, it wasn't a place one would normally end up in. How the hell did she even do that? No one cares and they all leave, including the Warrens, even though Peggy insists the haunting is real. It's actually a good thing they left, or Bill's ghost would never have been able to communicate with Lorraine and explain that there's another entity in the house and that he was being forced to hurt Janet so the entity could get to her. To help Lorraine, he explains that she needs the demon's name to... actually, even though he has just spoken normally to her, he says it with a riddle. Really helpful, Bill. The entity is of course Valak, who clearly has some mad multitasking skills. I remember finding the plot convoluted when I first saw this, and my opinion hasn't changed. The Warrens return to the house, where Janet was locked in and separated from her mother. Ed and Lorraine are also split up, and he manages to get into the house while she freaks out outside, especially as a lightning bolt hits a tree and she recognizes it as the pointy thing that's going to impale Ed. For a while, it looks like Valak is going to win, take Janet, and turn Ed into shish kebab, but then Lorraine gets in the house and confronts the demon. Turns out she does know his name because... he did tell her when she asked him. The cuts in her book, which is actually a Bible, form VALAK. I got questions. One, why did Lorraine take her ruined Bible with her to London? The Warrens look like people who'd have more than one Bible. Two, why the hell did Valak tell Lorraine his name knowing that it would give her power over him? Thanks to his stupidity, Lorraine vanquishes Valak, who is about as loquacious as Bathsheba Sherman, back to Hell. She then pulls Ed and Janet, who were dangling from a window, into the house and all is well. Because they need something for their haunted artifacts room, they take the zoetrope, which ends up next to Rory's music box.

VALAK: THE CONJURING 2 VS THE NUN

I know the prequel was made after this, but since The Nun is officially canon, I think I can complain about some things that don't match. There was already Frenchie in The Conjuring, and now it's Valak himself. Him telling Lorraine his name was just ridiculous. Is that all it takes? Just ask? He was way more powerful in The Nun, killing an entire abbey and only being (temporarily) vanquished with the help of the blood of Christ. And in the end, he sort of won, as he had already left his mark on Frenchie. Here all Lorraine has to do is yell his name and order him to go back to Hell. I know Lorraine is one of the leads, but come on. Valak's epithets are the Defiler, the Profane, the Marquis of Snakes, but the most we get is Lorraine saying he turned up as a nun to mock her faith. Except, isn't that a more generic demon thing? They all mock people's faith. At least The Nun brought in some snakes - this one has nothing specifically connected to this particular demon. The only thing the 2 have in common apart from the nun look, is the lack of personality.

VERDICT

The Conjuring 2 may have more special effects than The Conjuring, more supernatural entities, and introduced the spooky nun into the franchise, but it didn't turn out any better than its predecessor. The plot was convoluted, the Warrens' perfect Christian couple shtick was out of control, and the conception of Valak seems to have stopped at "looks like a spooky nun". This movie also had the same problem as the previous one - the entity was defeated too easily in the end. Worse, here the whole thing was dependent on a demon being truthful and helpful. There was no reason for Valak to tell Lorraine his real name, but without that, the final confrontation doesn't work. His inclusion seemed kinda random, too. Why was this relatively powerful entity spending so much time on this one girl? And why was the possession taking so damned long? No one will ever know because no one bothered explaining anything. This was a typical The Conjuring movie: average, with some good jump scares, and nothing more.

By Danforth