Book of Zechariah

For this new Apocalyptic post, I’ve decided to go back to the Bible and review the Book of Zechariah. I did some research and turns out that this is actually a patchwork of 2 texts or maybe even 3, with Zechariah 1 - 8 as a more orderly, familiar narrative that sees the prophet identify himself, receive messages from an angel, and having visions; Zechariah 9 - 14, on the other hand, offer more excitement and destruction, as Jerusalem and God’s chosen people triumph over their enemies, and also feature some veiled political criticism. Some scholars go even further and split Zechariah 9 - 11 and Zechariah 12 - 14. So, you get 2 (maybe 3) Apocalypses for the price of 1!

Note: I’ve read more than one translation, but will be quoting from the Douay-Rheims version.

ZECHARIAH 1 - 8

Basically, God isn’t happy that his chosen people keep ignoring his prophets and persisting in their wicked ways, and Zechariah is his latest pick to speak on his behalf. Frankly, I think God is being very patient here. After my third prophet, I’d probably start getting the next Flood ready. So, Zechariah gets sent a non freaky-looking angel to tell him what God wants him to say. Things get pretty repetitive as each message gets the same intro - ‘And you shall say to them: Thus says the Lord of hosts’. God’s uncharacteristic kindness pops up here and there, as he asks his people to be compassionate and merciful to each other, especially towards widows, orphans, and the poor (7:9 and 7:10). Who is this impostor, and what did he do with the angry dude who drowned everyone save one family? In between admonishing his followers and flaunting his personality transplant, God also sends Zechariah a few visions. Sadly, none of them is as awesome as the ones in the Book of Revelation, though there are horsemen and different coloured horses, too. They’re ‘they whom the Lord has sent in order to walk through the earth’ (1:9). And what have they observed? ‘We have walked through the earth, and behold, all the earth is inhabited and at rest’ (1:10). Well, that’s reassuring… and boring. Later on, we also get chariots pulled by more different coloured horses who are ‘the four winds of heaven, which go forth to stand in the presence of the Sovereign of all the earth’ (6:5). Apparently, they have the power to appease God’s spirit wherever they go, which is good, because we all know what happens when he gets mad. But seriously, did God pick the most boring visions on purpose? Because it really feels that way. Oh, and Zechariah seems to have a thing for the number 4, so there are 4 horses, 4 chariots pulled by 4 horses each, 4 horns, and 4 workmen (1:18 - 1:20). Sadly, there are 0 trumpets of DOOM. We do get 1 angel with a measuring tape, which would no doubt make Enoch very happy. Or maybe not, because it’s not to measure sins, but rather Jerusalem ‘so that I may see how great its width and how great its length may be’ (2:2). God promises his chosen people a bright future when their enemies (you know, the ones he could’ve stopped at any time) will be punished in an unspecified way, everyone will be united under his worship, and he will live among his people (2:11). I’m not sure that last bit is going to be that great, though, as this section ends like this (2:13):

Let all flesh be silent before the face of the Lord: for he has arisen from his holy dwelling place.

I’m getting some real Get Off My Lawn vibes here, which doesn’t bode well for God’s future neighbours.

Zechariah 3 starts with Satan getting vehemently rebuked (3:2).

And the Lord said to Satan, “May the Lord rebuke you, Satan! And may the Lord, who chose Jerusalem, rebuke you! Are you not a firebrand plucked from the fire?”

Well, that’s a lot of rebuking. Oho, Satan better be careful or he’ll end up getting a strongly-worded letter from God. Was this exchange followed by some hair-pulling? God sounds like someone who had some anger management therapy and is trying really hard not to start smiting people left and right. Jesus shows up, too (no, not that one)! ‘Jesus’ is the very common ‘Joshua’ and this one is later identified as the son of ‘Jehozadak, the high priest’. This Jesus has a better future, and will get a makeover that includes a crown, which sounds a lot better than being nailed to a cross. He also gets a very special stone (3:9):

For behold the stone that I have bestowed before Jesus. Upon one stone, there are seven eyes. Behold, I will carve its engraving, says the Lord of hosts. And I will take the iniquity of that land in one day.

I have so many questions. Are the eyes just rolling around like marbles? Are they glued to the stone thanks to congealed blood and all the gooey stuff that comes out of severed eyes? Did Other Jesus manage not to puke all over God’s thoughtful gift? Other Jesus isn’t the only one who gets to have the eye stone, though (4:10):

For who has despised the little days? And they will rejoice and will see the silver and lead stone in the hand of Zerubbabel. These are the seven eyes of the Lord, which roam quickly through all the earth.

I hope Zerubbabel has some hand sanitizer. But if they’re roaming, maybe they’re more like marbles? Anyway, there’s also a vision involving candlesticks and oil that I’m sure is super symbolic and meaningful, but I’m going to skip it because 1) I’m not knowledgeable enough to analyze it and 2) it’s finally time for some sinner smiting. If John of Patmos makes the word of God a sword-waving Jesus, Zechariah sees it as a literal book, which in his time probably meant a roll. One may think that a roll, even a magical one, isn’t very scary - one would be wrong (5:4).

I will bring it forth, says the Lord of hosts, and it will approach to the house of the thief, and to the house of him who swears falsely by my name, and it will remain in the midst of his house and will consume it, with its wood and its stone.

There is an interesting detail in the previous verse: ‘everyone who swears by this, will be judged in like manner’. So, does that mean all the non Jews are free of that judgement? On one hand, it makes sense, as they didn’t promise to follow God’s laws, on the other hand, God doesn’t like being ignored. After the angel explains the judgy roll to Zechariah, it’s time for Impiety to get locked away in a container and her mouth sealed with lead (5:6 - 5:10). It’s like God realized that, sometimes, if you want a job well done, you have to do it yourself. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if around this time he had started regretting allowing Noah and his family to survive instead of getting rid of all the humans and starting over with quokkas.

Zechariah 6 - 8 go back to boring. It starts with the horse chariots I already mentioned, and then Other Jesus and his buddies get crowns and everything will be at peace. Afterwards, there’s time for more berating and God complains about all those gestures of appeasement and worship that mean nothing if they’re not done with faith. This is also when he mentions the widows and orphans. Because of their bad behaviour, God will ignore his people when they ask for help. However, in the end, he’ll bring everyone back together in Jerusalem with him. Even the heathens will come and convert. It’s a shockingly nice End, without a single fiery pit.

ZECHARIAH 9 - 14

And so it was that some lowly publisher’s assistant decided to look through the rejects pile and found Zechariah’s optimistic take on the End of Days. Since it was deemed too nice, a ghost writer was brought in to add some excitement and sheep metaphors.

Between chapters 9 and 11, God takes his chosen people on a merry journey of conquest featuring Philistine ass kicking, drinking the blood of your enemies, and 1 trumpet (well, finally). There’s also room for the arrival of Zion’s King, ‘the Just One, the Saviour. He is poor and riding upon a donkey, and upon a colt, the son of a donkey’ (9:9). That may sound like a lot of donkeys, but according to one of the translations, it’s a single donkey referred to in 2 different ways. God may not have given him a flashy entrance, but ‘his power will be from sea to sea, and from the rivers even to the end of the earth’ (9:10). He’ll also ‘speak peace to the Gentiles’ (9:10), but presumably that’s only after the ass kicking and enemy blood drinking. The sheep thing, which starts in the 11th chapter, is a little confusing, as God, through his prophet, seems to waver between wanting to protect the flock from bad shepherds and abandoning them to a violent death. Zechariah claims that he will strike down 3 bad shepherds (you know who you are) and abandon his flock because clearly no one is listening. Worse, when he asks to be evaluated, he doesn’t get more than 30 pieces of silver, which is the price of a slave (or one Judas). He wants to stop shepherding, but God has a different plan: he will give these bad sheep an even worse shepherd (11:16 - 11:17):

For behold, I will raise up a shepherd in the land, who will not visit what is forsaken, nor seek what is scattered, nor heal what is broken, nor nourish what remains standing, and he will consume the flesh of the fatted ones and break their hoofs.

O shepherd and idol, abandoning the flock, with a sword upon his arm and over his right eye: his arm will be withered by drought, and his right eye will be obscured by darkness.

Okay, someone clearly licked one too many frogs. Or maybe they were hoping to allege insanity if one of those shepherds took offence at the criticism?

After receiving some notes from the publisher (More destruction! Keep it simple! No starting a guessing game with mentions of a Messiah! And absolutely NO POLITICS!), ‘Zechariah’ starts over in chapter 12, which opens with an attack on Jerusalem.

In that day, I will set Jerusalem as a burdensome stone to every people. All who will lift it up will be torn to pieces. And all the kingdoms of the earth will be gathered against her.

So, God sends all the nations against Jerusalem in both chapter 12 and chapter 14 because apparently there were no editors available. The first time it sounds as if he stops them before they attack, and then says how people will feel guilty for having been mean to him (12:10):

And I will pour out upon the house of David and upon the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the spirit of grace and prayers. And they will look upon me, whom they have pierced, and they will mourn for him as one mourns for an only son, and they will feel sorrow over him, as one would be sorrowful at the death of a firstborn.

‘Pierced’? Really? Such a drama queen. God’s dramatics did allow John to repurpose this bit for Jesus’s plight on the cross and make it look as if it had been predicted in the Old Testament. Anyway, because of this, a time that should’ve been of celebration - after all, Jerusalem managed not to be decimated - ends with a lot of gender segregated crying. Thanks a lot, God. He will also make sure to deflate Jerusalem and the House of David’s egos a little by protecting Judah, too (12:7), and letting its governors do some cool stuff (12:6) because he probably read some parenting advice about how playing favourites is bad. Except everyone knows God loves Jerusalem more because he just won’t shut up about it and even says that ‘the house of David will be like that of God’ (12:8). Good luck trying to tell them what to do after that. 

Before Jerusalem gets attacked some more, God is going to get rid of all the idols and false prophets (13:2), and if anyone tries to keep falsely prophesying, their own parents will make sure to stop them in a not very nice way that will make it clear to everyone who sees this false prophet what his crime was (13:2):

And this shall be: when any devotee will continue to prophesy, his father and his mother, who conceived him, will say to him, “You shall not live because you have been speaking a lie in the name of the Lord.” And his father and his mother, his own parents, will pierce him, when he will prophesy.

That’s going to take a lot of therapy to get over. In addition to fucked up family dynamics, God loves testing his flock. So, he will break it apart and keep the third part (13:9):

And I will lead the third part through fire, and I will burn them just as silver is burned, and I will test them just as gold is tested. They will call on my name, and I will heed them. I will say, “You are my people.” And they will say, “The Lord is my God.”

Setting aside the fact that losing a whole 2 thirds of his flock doesn’t exactly inspire trust in God’s shepherding abilities, I’m not sure what’s the benefit of being his people if he’s constantly testing you while expecting constant praise. This is why I’m an agnostic - God is way too high maintenance. ‘Zechariah’ goes back to attacking Jerusalem in chapter 14, which reveals some interesting information (14:2 - 3):

And I will gather all the all the Gentiles in battle against Jerusalem, and the city will be captured, and the houses will be ravaged, and the women will be violated. And the central part of the city will go forth into captivity, and the remainder of the people will not be taken away from the city.

Then the Lord will go forth, and he will fight against those Gentiles, just as when he fought in the day of the conflict.

Wait, so God was the one who made everyone attack Jerusalem in the first place? Or maybe this is a second attack? Still, it was his fault, and then he makes a big deal of having defended it. How about not attacking it? Really, why does God keep expecting people to thank him for cleaning up his own messes? Anyway, God’s intervention will be accompanied by some natural phenomena, like mountains torn apart and moving waters, but nothing particularly impressive or memorable. I found the end of 14:5 rather curious: ‘And the Lord my God will arrive, and all the saints with him’. At first, I thought it was a Christian change, but according to some scholars, it seems ancient Judaism wasn’t as monotheistic as everyone thinks, and there are some leftovers of that in the Old Testament. Well, regardless of how many gods there are, only one will be ‘King over all the earth’ and ‘In that day, there will be one Lord, and his name will be one’ (14:9). And everyone, including non Jews, better bow down to him or else. But even before they get to that, God has a special gift for all who attacked Jerusalem (14:12):

And this will be the plague by which the Lord will strike all the Gentiles that have fought against Jerusalem. The flesh of each one will waste away while they are standing on their feet, and their eyes will be consumed in their sockets, and their tongue will be consumed in their mouth.

This really should’ve ended here, but instead it goes on for 9 more verses about fighting and everyone, both Jews and all the non Jews who didn’t melt, having to go to Jerusalem to worship the new King and take part in holy festivities.

BOOK OF ZECHARIAH VS OTHER APOCALYPSES

This is the least consistent of all the Apocalypses, and also has a very passive prophet. Zechariah gets angry and impatient in chapter 11, during the berating of the shepherds, but in chapters 1 - 8 he just listens and asks questions, while he’s pretty much absent from chapters 10 and 12 - 14. Sure, John of Patmos and Enoch also just listen, but the greatness of their respective visions makes up for it. And this is another problem, because while the Book of Zechariah may offer different versions of the End, they all lack the scale of every other Apocalypse, including the very short Testament of Adam. The focus on Jerusalem is more geographical than merely symbolic, which makes it very localized, and even the predictions of natural phenomena (14:4 - 8) feel small. The God from Zechariah 1 - 8 is also shockingly nice, which contrasts greatly with the angrier God from the rest of the book, and from all the other Apocalypses. There’s mention of enemies being punished, but nothing specific, and the judgy roll doesn’t get do do much. The final chapters go deeper into detail about the former by adding the melting plague, but when it comes to ordinary sinners, just focus on false prophets. The amount of sinner smiting is much lower than in the Book of Revelation and the Book of Enoch. Most of the visions are unremarkable, though the eye stone injects a welcome dose of Biblical weirdness in Zechariah 1 - 8. The bad shepherd from 11:16 and 11:17 made me think of the Beasts from Revelation or the chained Antichrist from Greek Apocalypse of Ezra. Too bad there wasn’t more about him.

By Danforth